Easter Sunday, a day of hope. A day we should all feel the joy of the Risen Lord… but I don’t! Once again, I feel I have failed the Lord. This Lent began with good intentions but everything just got in the way for me. And so I’m here feeling like I don’t deserve the joyful message of Easter.
I am struggling with a thyroid issue at present, low thyroid making me feel extremely tired, quite depressed and a little confused. Because of this I struggled this Lent. I forgot what day it was and so I ate meat on a Friday, Good Friday came and went without even a prayer being recited. The prayer routine I promised to make this Lent got forgotten and my days were filled with things that distracted me. And to top it all off, I felt too ill to go to Mass on Easter Sunday.
I feel worthless, I feel hopeless and I feel alone… But I’m not! Although I feel all these thing, I know that this is just my feelings… and my feelings do not change reality! Although I feel worthless, I’m not, because God loves me and calls me to be His child. Although I feel hopeless, I’m not, because Jesus has risen, He is my Saviour and He does have a plan for my life. Although I feel alone, I know that in truth, in reality, Jesus never abandons anyone.
So why do I write this piece today? I write this In case there are others out there who did not succeed in doing all they had hoped during this Lent. In case there are others out there who are too ill to go to Mass, or even lift their spirit up in prayer. In case there are others out there who feel lonely and abandoned. I’m sure I’m not alone in the way I feel.
To anyone suffering out there I would just like to say, don’t give up! Don’t let your feelings get in the way of the truth. The truth that you are loved, deeply and unconditionally. You see God did not need me this Lent to remember my Friday fasts, He did not need me to remember my prayer routine and He did not need me to attend church on Easter Sunday. God has no need of anything I do, He just loves me, unconditionally, unreservedly, unimaginably. He just loves me. And He loves you too despite all your failings. God does not need us to be successful in anything, He just wants us to be faithful in everything. He just asks that we trust Him, under all circumstances. We don’t have to believe that we can do, we just have to believe that He can do… He can do all things.
So if you are lonely, afraid or suffering, be faithful and believe that God has a reason behind everything. Nothing happens by chance, everything in this world is either ordained by God or permitted by Him. This is not always easy to understand, and that’s alright, we don’t have to understand, we just have to believe, not in ourselves, but in Him. This is faith.
So I will forgive myself for not getting Lent right this year, because I know my Father will forgive me, and I’ll accept that I was not successful, but just be thankful that I was, at least, faithful – by the grace of God.
God bless you all.